The Blessing of Friendship

The past couple of weeks, I've been really thankful for the friends that God has placed in my life. It's one of those things that I sometimes forget to be thankful for, but friendship is something that is so fundamental within the Church. Christian community is something that God desires for us to experience- He is such a relational God and not only desires for us to have a relationship with Him, but also to experience a deep Christ-centered friendship with others as well. I've realized just how blessed I am with friends who not only love me like Christ, but daily point me to Him and challenge me to serve Him more and grow in my faith. These are the friends that have rejoiced with me when new paths in life are revealed and new plans that God has for me come into focus, and these are the friends that cry with me and pray with me and sometimes just sit with me in silence when things are hard and I'm going through trials that I can't understand. They're the friends who encourage me to grow and learn all that I can about our wonderful Savior, and they are the friends who aren't afraid to rebuke me in love when I'm living in sin or have lost my way a little bit. They love me like Christ and are daily images of how Christ loves the church because of the way they sacrificially love and challenge me. That's Christian community; that's the blessing of friendship.

The writer of Hebrews really summed up what Christian community is supposed to look like in Hebrews 10: 23-25. 

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful *side note: I love this because it is so powerful. Our hope in Christ is a foundation that can never be shaken because HE is faithful to never change and His promises will never change. (another post for another time)* And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching." 

So we are to hold onto our hope in Christ. He promises that we will never be shaken and His promises are true because He is always faithful and never-changing. We are to encourage and challenge each other towards loving like Christ and serving others without abandon and without thinking much of ourselves. We are to love and live like Christ loved and lived. Christian community needs to be something that is always prevalent in our lives. When we have Christ-honoring fellowship with one another, we impact our community in ways that we thought might have never been possible. The way that we love each other like Christ loves us is noticed by others and when we love our community in this way then people's lives are changed because of the way Christ is at work in us. Making disciples of one another is something that is so important and a huge blessing to us when it is carried out. Having friends who strengthen and encourage you to be more like Christ every day is an outward example of Christ's love for you by the way they live. 

I hope that this post was an encouragement to you. It was simply an overflow of the thankfulness that I've been feeling when I think about just how blessed I am by the friends in my life. I pray that you are daily reminded of Christ's love for you by the friends that God has blessed you with. Hug them a lot and thank God for them daily- they are the little-Christs that pour into your life daily. It's such a beautiful way that God lavishes His love on us. He is so good. 

When God Seems Silent

Before I start this post, I'm going to start with what God has been teaching me through this trial because it's the most important thing that I want you to walk away with. God is happiness. God is contentment. God will always provide. God is always near to the broken-hearted. God is always good and never-changing. God is joy. God is peace. God is strength. God is ALWAYS faithful. Always.

The Trial I'm Going Through

About a year ago, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. As I like to call it, my brain broke. I could no longer process my thoughts and my emotions and I no longer felt connected to anyone or anything...especially God. My brain was a war zone, and I was the victim. I was now in an environment where I was my own worst enemy so to speak and I no longer felt safe. I was scared and confused and I felt entirely alone.

The one thing you never really hear discussed in the church is mental health, so when I realized something was wrong I didn't know what to do. I kept it a secret for three long and terrifying months. I was afraid that I was in the wrong, that I was doing something to cause this, that it was all my fault that I was experiencing these thoughts and negative emotions. Why wasn't I able to be joyful in all circumstances? Why wasn't I thankful for the life that I was given? Why did I no longer care? What had happened to the person that I was a year ago? And the biggest question of all: Where was God in all of this? My relationships were no longer important, school was no longer important, and God was no where to be found. I didn't feel Him anywhere and I couldn't see His influence in my life anywhere. I was in a really bad place. I didn't think that I was a Christian because of my thoughts and the way that I was acting. I doubted everything, especially my faith. I've always struggled with doubt (another post for another day), but this was extreme. I felt entirely alone and dead and numb inside. I wanted nothing to do with people or life in general; my brain's main response to everything was that I wanted sleep. Life was pointless to me, and I wanted peace and rest from the mental turmoil that I was experiencing.

Why Am I Sharing This?

The reason I'm being so open and honest about this is because I know that there are people out there, like me, who think that they are entirely alone when it comes to depression. They think that they're doing something wrong, or not trying hard enough and are failing because they can't be joyful in all circumstances. I want you to know, if you're walking with God every day and praying and studying His Word and are still experiencing these thoughts and emotions, you are not a terrible person. God is not punishing you. You are unfortunately experiencing a chemical imbalance that makes your hormones all out of whack. It's what happened to me, and I wish that I had realized all of this before I started hating the person that depression had made me become. My brain had just decided that it couldn't handle pressure and emotions anymore, but I was still a Daughter of the King. I was still His, and He's allowed me to go through depression to bring me closer to Him and to strengthen my relationship with Him.

I realized that even though I didn't feel happy or joyful that God was my happiness and my joy. He's my peace and my hope. He's my strength. If the whole purpose of me experiencing depression was to realize that God is my everything then it was all worth it. I'm a totally different person because of my depression, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. God emptied me of all emotion and I was no longer able to connect to Him emotionally. He allowed me to experience a relationship with Him on a more intellectual level. He's daily showed me truths through His Word that I might have never discovered before depression. He's pushed me to trust Him completely and to let Him lead. I've had to rely on Him to be my everything. Because of this trial, I've been able to worship God differently and love Him more deeply. Depression has made me realize that my relationship with God is the most important thing in my life. It's helped me to realize the complete power of the Gospel and God's grace and love for me.

Crucifixion, The Ultimate Form of Disconnect

Jesus experienced so much on the cross for me. He suffered the crushing weight of all of our sin and He experienced the total wrath of His Father. He was completely disconnected from God because of the weight of our sins. Completely disconnected. Jesus knew what that felt like, and yet He still died for me anyways. He experienced being disconnected from God so that I wouldn't have to. That's how much He loves me-loves us. That's the Gospel. I thought I was disconnected from God because of my depression but that wasn't true at all- God never left me. He loves me so much that He's used my depression, this trial, for good. He's taught me so much through this. I understand His love for me more because of it.

Hebrews 12:1-3 is a beautiful reminder of what Christ did for us and how He conquered the grave. This was a passage that I constantly read to give me hope to keep fighting.

The Reason to Fight

Christ endured the cross for us, and He defeated it. He fought for me and because of this, I'm not going to give up even though it might be hard and I might get tired mentally and emotionally. God gives us the strength to go through our trials and He always uses them for good. He is always faithful. He never leaves us even when He may seem silent. God's been so faithful to bring me to this point and He is faithful in your life as well. I hope this post can be a good reminder of God's goodness and how much He loves you.

King David knew exactly what I'm going through. He too struggled with depression, and yet he was considered a man after God's own heart. He knew that regardless of what he went through God would always be his hope and his strength. This verse from Psalms has been a huge encouragement to me, and I hope it can encourage you too. "I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." (Psalm 16:8) God is walking beside you and He goes before you, and He's daily giving you the strength and grace to do what He's called you to do. Keep trusting in Him. His love for us is so unfathomable and so beautiful.

Why Emptied to be Filled?

I've wanted to start a blog for the longest time. There were so many angles that I could have gone with, so many things that I'm passionate about. But this past year of college, I've gone through a lot of hard things and learned a lot about how great my God is. I would be nothing without Him.
So He's led me to this blog. I am by no means perfect, and sometimes I might post about hard things that aren't fun to hear. I think that's beautiful though. God is glorified through our imperfections. He takes our mistakes and failures and uses them for good. As I discover about who He is, I want to write about it. I want to write about how He's daily changing me. I want to be emptied to be filled.
When I'm empty, I'm laying down everything that I want and I desire and turning to God and saying, "You're enough, fill me with who You are and empty me of who I am." When we are empty, God teaches us. When we're empty, we grow. When we're empty, we learn so much more about faith and grace. We are so much more trusting. We learn to let God lead.
I'm working on emptying myself every day. It's definitely not easy. I get in the way all of the time and fail so many times to just trust and let God lead. But as I discover more about who He is, I realize that I want to be empty and I want Him to fill me. It's the greatest joy in the world and it's when my life is most rewarding.
I hope that this blog can be a place where you can find encouragement and refocus. I pray that through my failings and through my discoveries, you might discover who God is and what He means to you. I hope that here you can find rest in how great our God is.
Here's the passage that has influenced me a lot this past year. It's also what lead me to choose this title. We are jars of clay, daily being emptied to be filled.

2 Corinthians 4: 7-12~ "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you."

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